Our Dreams Send Us Messages

The following blog is an account of the dream I had two days after my husband and I decided to divorce. Life with him was an emotional and financial roller coaster, when all I wanted was a steady train ride through the hills. The dream reassured me that I had made the right decision.

I am standing at the edge of a frozen lake, contemplating whether to walk across the ice in order to get to the other side. As I ponder my decision, a voice reassures me; " It's OK, It's OK, don't worry, TRUST me".

I step onto the ice and proceed to walk, heading straight down the center. A few hundred yards in, I notice a layer of water forming on the surface of the ice, making me feel uneasy. I stop walking and stand still, wondering if I should carry on. The voice returns; " It's OK, It's OK, don't worry, TRUST me". I carry on.

Halfway across, the ice begins to crack. I stop abruptly and begin to feel panic. As the fine cracks meander across the ice, the voice reassures me once again; " It's OK, It's OK, don't worry, TRUST me".

Suddenly, the ice opens up below my feet and I drop into the cold water. Shear panic overtakes me as I splash around, thrashing the water with my arms and grabbing at brittle bits of ice. The more I panic, the less I am able to keep my head above the water. The fear of drowning is very real. The voice becomes scrambled and noisy. I no longer listen.

Just as suddenly, calm comes over me while I tread softly in the water. My attention turns to the melting pieces of ice in my hands, then at the shore from where I began my journey. The water is so peaceful over there. I look into my hands, then throw the remaining bits of melting ice away and say; "I don't need this; I can swim!", then swim all the way back to shore.

Sorting Buttons

There is a large box of buttons in my sewing box that I have been meaning to sort for a few years now, but just couldn't get to it because I always felt like I should be doing something more important. A few weeks ago, I attended a forum which made me realize that I can stop living for "someday" and relax my mind; to be present in whatever I decide to do, and to do whatever I want, whenever I want. What a novel idea! I grew up being very busy with things that had purpose and meaning, and felt compelled to apply pressure on myself as an adult. The older I got, the more unsettled I became. And all the while, that box of buttons kept calling out to me.

After the forum I gave myself permission to stop the insanity. I pulled the box of buttons out of my sewing box, poured the contents onto my desk and began to sort. I immersed myself into the most relaxing three hours I had felt in many years. Ahhhhh...

For Anu

Hmmm, what to write, what to write...
I guess the words will come with practice. I have been short for words in the past, and keeping a diary has always been a challenge for me. My mind speeds along too fast to keep up with writing it all down. And, by the time I do write something down, the previous thought escapes my memory.

I could perhaps practice something I learned in high school, from my wonderful art teacher Ms. Politis, called automatic writing. This technique involved letting all thought flow without filtering or editing. We were instructed to stop writing the moment we caught ourselves "thinking". After the exercise, the students were amazed at the long words and complex sentences that poured onto the page by simply allowing the mind to wander. We read the convoluted texts to each, sometimes breaking out with laughter or looking at each other cross-eyed.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot about this technique and developed a mind block. I am now allowing myself the freedom to write automatically.

Not bad for my first time...